Stephen A. Smith Is Being Unfairly Demonized
Some topics can’t be discussed because emotions run too high. There are certain triggers that shut people’s faculties of reason down completely and doesn’t allow for further or clear listening. Even if you agree with their fundamental point, there is an absolute, all or nothing, position that gets clung to in those situations. Stephen A. Smith is learning that right now in the wake of his comments within a discussion about NFL player Ray Rice.
This didn’t go over well. Many people immediately went into “he’s blaming the victim” mode and completely tuned out the real point he was making. I heard no victim blaming. What you can hear when you step back and listen is the reality that some people won’t play by the same rules. Prevailing wisdom in our society says that men should never hit women. I don’t think there is much debate there. The problem is we can’t say there is zero debate there because not everyone agrees with the same rules as the rest of us. In those instances, a woman may find herself in a situation she didn’t expect to happen if she believes that 100% of men agree on not hitting women. There are police records and YouTube videos galore showing that this isn’t the case. This is a reality. To avoid this possibility people should not put themselves in a situation that may bring about this outcome. To say that isn’t blaming the victim, it’s advice.
But what I’ve tried to employ the female members of my family, some of who you all met and talked to and what have you, is that again, and this what, I’ve done this all my life, let’s make sure we don’t do anything to provoke wrong actions, because if I come, or somebody else come, whether it’s law enforcement officials, your brother or the fellas that you know, if we come after somebody has put their hands on you, it doesn’t negate the fact that they already put their hands on you. So let’s try to make sure that we can do our part in making sure that that doesn’t happen. – Stephen A. Smith
Excellent point. Whether or not the man gets away with beating the woman, the beating already has taken place and the damage is done. Many blogs, news articles, and tweets quickly jumped on the story and pulled reactions from social media like this that I saw on another site.
So I was just forced to watch this morning’s First Take. A) I’ll never feel clean again B) I’m now aware that I can provoke my own beating. — Michelle Beadle (@MichelleDBeadle) July 25, 2014
Yes of course you can provoke your own beating. Let’s not be naive. Anyone can. To think there is an invisible bubble of protection at all times around you that stops anyone from hitting you for any reason is a fantasy. There are long lists of police reports that destroy that imaginary realm. Of course they shouldn’t do it but people do things they shouldn’t do all the time. It doesn’t matter if they know it’s wrong, they are in an agitated state, have mental instabilities, or just simply don’t care or agree with those rules, they still do it. It happens. Would you poke a pissed off bear? No. No you wouldn’t because that would provoke a mauling and it would be the least surprising thing. Sometimes people are in a state that we know we should just let them be. We have all been at that moment and pushed too far. It happens. Yes people need to exercise control of their anger but if we walked away we wouldn’t fan those flames either.
If you hit somebody, you cannot be sure you are not going to get hit back! – Whoopi Goldberg
Whoopi is correct and, even though she’s caught flack for her statements, the audience seems to agree. Yes there is a size and strength difference in most cases between men and women. Yes a stronger person should exercise more control due to their increased strength. At the same time, if you know a person is stronger and more powerful than you, don’t attack them. Aside from them being women, I know not going to swing on Laila Ali or Ronda Rousey because that wouldn’t end well for me. I especially wouldn’t do it if they are already agitated for whatever reason. As professional fighters, they have a greater responsibility to exercise control yet I’m not going to take that chance. In their agitated state they may lose control all over my fantasy bubble of protection.
See that look of surprise on her face? It was all fun and games to the inebriated woman because she thought she had a mutual understanding with that man she didn’t know that hitting her wasn’t possible. He had a different understanding. She had hit him once already and he wasn’t happy with it. Her retort was a mocking “Did it hurt that bad”. This was the second hit, that he indeed provoked, so that he could try to make a point. She was clearly out of control and thought it was ok to hit strangers. Let’s not pretend we’ve never seen this before. What he did wasn’t right and he should have walked away but the point remains that sometimes people don’t agree with how we think they should handle a situation. He clearly didn’t.
This guy didn’t get the memo that he shouldn’t hit her back either.
The fact that these guys are wrong does nothing to lessen the damage that has already been done by their retaliation. This idea to rely on men always maintaining composure and control will wind up with more situations like this. Please read that again. Relying on that idea will get some people into trouble. If a woman attacks a man with this idea that he definitely won’t hit her back she may be in for a very harsh “a-ha” moment. It may not be right but it’s a very real possibility. To mitigate that outcome, women should keep their hands
to themselves. If you hit anyone, no matter who you are, you should always expect that they will hit you back. It’s the same advice I would give any woman in my family. You never know how a person will react. This is the point that Stephen A. Smith and Whoopi Goldberg were talking about. Due to the outrage and controversy, Steven A. Smith issued an apology that was no doubt forced by the network. He has also been suspended for a week from his job. Here is the problem, people hear or read Smith’s comments and equate it solely with domestic violence and abusive in relationships. Even the normally level-headed Cenk Uygur of The Young Turks seemed to shut down and pretend to not understand what Smith was saying. They even went so far as to title their response video as “Did ESPN’s Stephen A. Smith Justify Violence Against Women? Well, What IS He Saying?” The confusion comes in because Smith’s comments were during a discussion of a domestic violence incident. Smith commented on that incident and then switched gears. Smith clearly didn’t justify violence against women. Whoopi didn’t either, yet it is such an emotional charged issue that many will stop listening past a certain point.
For anyone not understanding, let me ask you this, do you lock your home? Do you secure your purse and other valuables when you go somewhere? Why? The majority of us can agree that stealing is wrong and shouldn’t be done. Even still, we don’t rely on the idea that everyone understands stealing to be wrong. We take steps to limit that possibility. Stephen A. Smith has said many questionable things in the past I’m sure but what he said here wasn’t wrong. He didn’t endorse or justify violence against women. He didn’t blame the victim. He clearly stated multiple times that he was against men hitting women. I will say, in the middle of a conversation about domestic violence, he may have chosen the wrong time to make these statements. It doesn’t make them any less true; just ill-timed.
Additional:
http://www.slate.com/blogs/browbeat/2014/07/29/espn_s_stephen_a_smith_out_for_a_week_after_controversial_comments.html
http://www.nytimes.com/2014/07/30/sports/espn-disciplines-stephen-a-smith.html
http://www.theroot.com/blogs/the_grapevine/2014/07/whoopi_goldberg_defends_stephen_a_smith_if_you_hit_a_man_don_t_be_surprised.html
Jaylon Carter is a blogger, social media marketing consultant, former Congressional Campaign Media & Communications Director, national labor union vice block leader, and a Hip Hop artist who performs under the stage name Timid (@timidmc).
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